Sometime in June of 2023, I became devouringly invested in intermittent fasting and a flexible version of the keto diet. It was rough. Perhaps, my approach of going cold turkey and taking on the challenge of changing my diet, in a relatively extreme manner, was too sudden for my entire nervous system. I’m shedding that more intense side of me with age, but at times it’s useful and truly the only route I can take to curb my most cemented habits.

Overnight, I began to eat slower, with smaller bites and smaller portions and even began multitasking to distract myself and give my stomach the proper time to digest. The entire process didn’t feel unhealthy and the results were surprisingly beneficial for both my chronic gastritis and overall energy levels. With it, also came the added advantage of fat loss. Over the years I have fluctuated in weight, and over time, especially entering my 30s my body composition and metabolism have changed right before my eyes. Some call it the second stage of puberty. The more mindful and nutritious eating helped me lose stubborn fat, but also a bit of that spongy plumpness that kept my body looking tight. Or perhaps it’s all just part of the natural process of aging. With time, I’ve lost the robust collagen that keeps my face looking fresh, cellulite now speckles my arms and upper thighs, wrinkles are curving around my eyes, my period is an absolute mess, the brain fog during certain times of the month are brutal, hyperpigmentation is at an all-time high… the list goes on but in truth, none of it is concerning or “wrong.” 

We all know society subconsciously and blatantly feeds girls and women erroneous and contradicting information on how to be, behave, look, and feel— this isn’t breaking news. And now with the added component of the comparison culture social media offers, the messaging is blinding and hard to fight. Somehow we are all expected to be put together 24/7 and girlboss all the way into our graves. Even when resting, we’re supposed to wear the perfect clothes and perform the right activities to appropriately center ourselves. We know this, we’re experts in knowing what the world wants from us all the time. It’s exhausting and more and more we’re normalizing this sentiment amongst friends and even family.

I’m ready to move to the next level of deconstructing society and its loony norms and begin building my own rules that fit my capacity levels and respect my boundaries. I’m ready to start talking about the natural process of aging without the pretense of how aging gracefully is the “right way,” or that there even is one correct way of doing so. I want to start sharing stories on how people navigate getting unruly nipple hairs and coarse(r) pubes growing on their groins! What are the girlies doing to plump their breasts a bit because I’m not ready to accept my slightly drooping boobies? How are people dealing with these roller coaster PMS symptoms that are raging and depressing all at once? Thinning hair, grey hairs, hair hair hair. And can we talk about knowing that soon we’ll age out of being considered “hot” and “attractive” and move into a space where men (for the hetero crowd) won’t find us sexy anymore? I hate the male gaze on most days, but sometimes it’s a bit of a morale booster (if they’re not total creeps, yuck), and that s*** is conflicting AF for my feminist brain. 

I don’t have any wisdom to impart with this post, but rather need this space to rant. What I really want is to begin having a conversation with you all about aging, even if more questions than answers arise. What I tell myself every time I see my saggy, creasing, curving body each time an evil thought creeps in, is that at the end of the day, I’m just a fleshy, organic, breathing being. And all living things have their dark spots and marked scars, but what a privilege it is to be alive in this colorful and ever-evolving world full of beautiful people.