twenty-five: the good and the bad.

2019 was rough. This isn’t a conclusion based on my own experiences, but rather, a general consensus I noticed after polling a few friends/family and strangers. Now, you can attribute the general agreement to a more than rocky political environment, the looming doom of climate change, the ugly spike in hate crimes, and all the other messiness (for not wanting to say chaos) to the demise of 2019; but regardless of the reason, I have decided, like many others bloggers in the stratosphere, to share my take on the year… with a twist. After much thought on how to spin my post, I concluded the most monumental happening of 2019 was not the importance of the calendar year itself, but rather the evolution and transition into my mid-twenties. Oh boy, do I have plenty to share on that.

The Good: Why not start off with the peachy qualities of being young and “free” within a carefully drawn line of boundaries constructed on past experiences and mistakes. Overall, I will admit this year was a challenge, of which I came out of with more clarity. I have grown more this age, than at any other time of my life. Here are my top six goods of the year, in no particular order:

  • I picked up my love for reading and have even moved on to reading in French. This, in turn, is beneficial for improving my French (duh), learning more vocab etc., and getting in my word count (like steps but with words, you get it). Books I recommend: Pachinko, The Leavers, Inés of My Soul, and the entire Neapolitan book series by Elena Ferrante.
  • I traveled a bit for work and learned to network with highly revered psychologists and professionals— good skill.
  • My personal style skyrocketed. I am a mucho big fan of fashion and see it as an integral part of my self-expression. For me, it is not entirely about the latest trends and items but rather discovering different layers of my personality and showing them.
  • To keep it short and sweet, I found full and caring love.
  • I unexpectedly met beautiful, supportive humans that helped me get through the year.
  • Due to this said clarity, I have finally developed an escape plan and have put my plan in motion, more to come (exciting I promise!).

The Bad: Family separations continue, mass shootings are a norm, and the world is falling apart, or so it seems. But on a personal level? The first half of this year was a minefield of challenges dotted with broken glass and burning coals, with no clear end in sight. Why was it brutal? Because my mind and body were challenged to limits that were pushed even further. I eventually reached my limit, and learned to respect it as well. Ah so alas, my favorite thing to do, complain about the bad:

  • Things hurt now. I wake up and there’s a tightness in my neck, my left knee throbs with a pesky inflammation that seems to have permanently decided to reside inside, and my feet burn from the lack of arc support. Yup, my cells are no longer blooming but rather making copies after copies of each other and its starting to show. To counteract this downfall, I have become more physically active, I seriously attempt to be diligent about my physical therapy, and most importantly of all, I STRETCH. Woohoo old age! Don’t even get me started on the hangovers…
  • My sleeping patterns have dramatically plummeted. I never thought I was an excellent sleeper, but this year I one-upped myself. I struggle with sleeping early, falling asleep, staying asleep, and as luck would have it, I wake up with crazed anxiety that works better than caffeine. I attribute this horrid occurrence to my self-destructive nature of being a perfectionist and overthinking about work. The issue has become so severe, I often dream of being at work and working… harumph.
  • I’m beginning to lose frequent communication with my close college friends. Life has a way of well, getting in the way, but there’s always time to catch up with my close ones, and I have definitely slacked in that department.
  • I am awful at dealing with anxiety and this year topped it off. Hello, panic attacks and looping thoughts. Terrible.

2020: Oh here we go, another “new year, new me” list of resolutions that will crumble the first quarter. But no, I have carefully set up my environment to hold myself accountable for my actions or lack thereof. This coming year I vow to:

  • Be more proactive and preventative. How? In my physical health, mental health, relationships, and enjoy as much of it now than regret not having done more later in life.
  • Visit my grandma more. This one, I will hold myself accountable for, because she’s only aging more by the minute and time is not on our side.
  • Be kinder to my parents. I constantly remind myself to be nicer but this year pulled out nasty remarks out of me and they were in the line of fire. It’s not fair and it is my minimum duty to be more caring and understanding.
  • Reduce spending. I hereby pledge to purchase fewer clothes, eat out less, and in turn learn to cook for myself. This final habit will reap benefits since I will be able to measure what I eat and for god’s sake, learn how to cook.
  • At long last, I will accomplish a lifetime goal of mine.

A final conclusion, this has been an arduous year, but these life experiences have shown me aspects of my personality and self that were quite surprising. Yes, I am still an evolving youngster but for this coming year, I have more tools under my belt.

So, what is your take of 2019?

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