Objective: Happiness

Before I launch into this, I want to share a disclaimer. I am part of that less than 20% to be fortunate enough to work from home. Really, to have a job, and to remain safe while doing it. Because I have this basic and vital security, I am safely able to divert my attention to this project. 

Ahh, 2020. How painfully unforgettable you are… it seems as if everything awful that could have happened did. This endless pandemic from hell is bad enough to blur the rest of the past four, tortuous years on its own. I won’t rant much more on the subject– we all know how it’s been.

As 2020 neared its end, I began to regret the time I wasted. Why didn’t I invest when the market dropped in March? Or why hadn’t I saved more– in fact, where were my savings? These and other questions swirled in my head, making me feel worse each time. I shared my distress with a friend who tried to comfort me:  “It’s okay. It was a difficult and unusual year. You needed to cope and take care of yourself to the best of your ability.” She was right, of course. I had to stop being so hard on myself. It’s not like I could reverse time (not to mention that going back to March 2020 sounds like a complete nightmare).

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8 minutes and 46 seconds

Floyd: “I can’t breath, my face… Just get up.” More labored breathing.

Chauvin, visibly annoyed, responds: “What do you want?”

Floyd insists more loudly: “I can’t breath! Please, your knee in my neck.”

Minutes pass

Chauvin: “Well, get up and get in the car, man!”

Floyd: “I can’t move!”

Chauvin repeats the command. 

Floyd: “Mama— I can’t.”

Floyd says he can’t breathe once more, and then again, repeating himself until his body goes limp. 

I meant to write this post days ago, but couldn’t. Each passing day brought a new chance to fool myself into thinking I’d be strong enough to watch the full video of George Floyd’s murder. I wasn’t, and I still haven’t. But I tried again today anyway. 

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