Lately, I’ve been feeling a deep discontentment. And frankly, I ask myself constantly what is the source of my increasingly restless nature. Why am I waking up with my heart beating a thousand miles a minute or feeling random bouts of nausea (no, I’m not pregnant)? According to our beloved apocalyptic WebMD, these symptoms are attributed to anxiety. I am feeling anxious. I have to let that sink in… because for the longest time I would pride myself in handling stress well. Five exams in one day? Pfft, I got this, there are bigger fish to fry. Gym, classes, meeting with a professor, work, and a pile of coursework?
What about now?
Recently, I had an interesting discussion with a teacher about race. She was recounting a conversation she had had with a student of hers about the “typical American boy.” The way the girl was referring to this type of boy was resounding. And many may conjure an image such as this:
- Tall, blond, light colored eyes, handsome af, tough, white
- Smart, chivalrous, parents love him, white
- Sporty, football, varsity, white
But I’m not blaming or accusing anyone. These were adjectives I came up with, of how I imagine an “American boy.”
And I thought to myself, I need to change my mindset.
“If there ever comes a day you knock on my door, carrying a basket filled with the juiciest and ripest apples, know that I learned my lesson, and I will not take a bite. Please understand, this is not about rejection or resentment; this is about protection and moving upward.”
-written by Dorianne Young